The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
 
Tech Support

Customer : Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my DVD out !!!

Tech Support : Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer : Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.

Tech Support : That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer : No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.
 
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.” “Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
the old lady said…. “well,Not everybody pays.”
 
View: https://BANNED/LeoKearse/status/1348664529731932170?s=19
 
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.

She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally, she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"​
 
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Is she Queef Richards's daughter
 
G.K.Jnr. said:
Tech Support : Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer : Your left or my left?
Click to expand...
One shouldn’t analyse jokes, and I did laugh, but it’s an interesting question that might seem sensible if the customer is viewing support in a window onscreen. Usually his left would be the same as the customers left — unless of course TS was using Apples ‘mirror reversing’ thingy or similar, so who knows? :( .Sorry to nit pick ... but it is a photo forum :).
 
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