and help to keep the site free for all
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
Cockney
I asked Admin for a user title
- Messages
- 9,460
- Name
- Brian
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 2,642
- Edit My Images
- No
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located.
He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:
“What do you think about the situation in the stock market?”
The Director asks in turn arrogantly:
“Why are you so interested in that topic?”
“I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
“What your name?’ asks the Director.
“John Smith H”, the shoeshine man replied.
The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department:
“Do we have a client named John Smith H?”
“Certainly,” answers the Customer Service Manage. “He is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account.”
The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says:
“Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you.”
At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:
“We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.”
-Mr. Smith began his story:
“I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.
Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a 'hooker' in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.”
He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director:
“What do you think about the situation in the stock market?”
The Director asks in turn arrogantly:
“Why are you so interested in that topic?”
“I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
“What your name?’ asks the Director.
“John Smith H”, the shoeshine man replied.
The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department:
“Do we have a client named John Smith H?”
“Certainly,” answers the Customer Service Manage. “He is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account.”
The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says:
“Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you.”
At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:
“We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.”
-Mr. Smith began his story:
“I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.
Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a 'hooker' in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.”
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
- Messages
- 5,922
- Name
- Heather
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Not me personally, obviously ...
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,540
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 990
- Name
- John Stewart
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
- Messages
- 5,922
- Name
- Heather
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
- Messages
- 5,922
- Name
- Heather
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Cockney
I asked Admin for a user title
- Messages
- 9,460
- Name
- Brian
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues just cheered.
- Messages
- 2,024
- Name
- Graeme
- Edit My Images
- No
..... and don't trust those supermarket 'colleagues' with the little guns at the entrance.
He told me he was taking my temperature ... yeah right !
I only went in for some eggs, bread and milk but came out with a bottle of Scotch and a 12 pack of Spitfire
