The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Recent figures suggest that Downing Street is the most criminal address in the UK.
 
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A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get Off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of Three patients.

'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' Asks the doctor..

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME - I haven't Seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, What did you do?' asks the doctor.

'I put drops in her eyes!!
 
Judas: still on for Friday?
Jesus: Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas.
 
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Must be in Shanghai...
 
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