The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Following the recent cessation of hostilities in the Middle East, an enterprising person has discovered a way to convert land mines into prayer mats.

Prophets are said to be going through the roof!
 
ancient_mariner said:
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Could be worse. Teacher takes a larger box, takes out what looks like a black book. Presses a button, a lift comes up, the book is placed inside and teacher then uses all her strength to push the lift back down. Then there are lots of bashing, crashing and clunking noises and a film starts playing, carefully obliterated in parts by a strange black and white line that moves down the screen on occasions. Sometimes the film stops and teacher removes the book which proceeds to leave its entrails inside the machine and across the table. Teacher then opens an actual book and curses silently.
 
A man was driving far too fast round narrow country lanes when a cockerel flew out of a garden gate in front of the car meeting its demise in a cloud of blood, bone and feathers.

The driver, full of remorse, knocked on the door of the cottage to explain and apologise. He was met by an angry glare from an old lady who opened the door.

The man launched into a rambling explanation and babbling apology while the old lady kept up her angry unblinking stare.

Feeling that he was not making the situation any better the man reassured the old lady that he was more than willing to replace the cockerel.

The old lady continued to glare for a good few moment more and then said “please yourself, the hens are round the back”, then slammed the door.
 
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