The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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I met Bear Grylls once. Yes, I met Bear in the Woods --- so that ruined my first question.

To be honest I didn't meet Bear in the Woods.

I actually met Bear in the toilet tissue aisle in Tesco; .. it was disgusting.


Dave
 
FFS don't show the bitch hen from hell that - she'll shiv ya!!!
 
That's not a bumper, it's an unused lights cover...
 
So this guy is driving along through unfamiliar country lanes, and eventually pulls in to the side to take a look at his map. Then he notices a man standing, just doing nothing, in the field beside the road, and decides to have a word with him.

Chap in the field looks up brightly as the motorist comes towards him, and says, "Ah, is this about my Nobel prize?"

Motorist says, "Pardon?" or words to that effect.

Chap says, "I’m told that anybody getting a Nobel prize has to be out standing in his field."
 
My friend Tommy drowned the other day...

At his funeral, we placed a life-jacket on his coffin.

It's what he would have wanted...
 
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