The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Cobra

Cobra

Mr. Floyd
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Phitt, Hissy Phitt
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Gremlin

*looks down* Yep, I'm a girl!
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Ingrid
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact: "Sue..........Sue" "Is that you, George?" " Yes, I've come back like we agreed. ""That's wonderful !? What's it like? "" Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.Then it's more sex until late at night.I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" " Oh, George, are you in Heaven?...... "No, I'm a rabbit in Hampshire."
 

Nod

Krispy and Kremey
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Nod (NOT Ethel!!!)
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Juan Sheet per schytte?
 
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Toni
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact: "Sue..........Sue" "Is that you, George?" " Yes, I've come back like we agreed. ""That's wonderful !? What's it like? "" Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.Then it's more sex until late at night.I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" " Oh, George, are you in Heaven?...... "No, I'm a rabbit in Hampshire."
The local rector once told a similar joke at the start of a sermon shortly before he retired, where the husband explained how he first woke and had sex, went for a swim, had sex again etc - the husband had been reincarnated as a duck. Cue a lot of very frosty looks from some people in church. :LOL:
 
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Kevin
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The local rector once told a similar joke at the start of a sermon shortly before he retired, where the husband explained how he first woke and had sex, went for a swim, had sex again etc - the husband had been reincarnated as a duck. Cue a lot of very frosty looks from some people in church.
Was the retirement precipitated by the joke?
 
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Christopher
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Perhaps the solution to the toilet roll crisis is a saying from my schooldays.

In days of old when knights were bold and before paper was invented, they wiped their arse with a bunch of grass and went away contented.
 
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