The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Only in Birkenhead I swear!! I drove into the Borough road garage to fill my car up (£10) lol, I noticed 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there?! .. I minded my own business filled my car up and went inside to pay. As I was paying for my fuel, I heard someone screaming!! I’m talking violent death screams! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!!!! She was swinging her arm, running around and going nuts!! I ran outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and put her in the police car. I was a bit shocked, couldn't believe they , arrested her, surely she ought to be in an ambulance, not a police car?! Me being nosey as I am, I asked the policeman what they were arresting her for.. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!
Now I want to know who actually read this to the end.. If you did, copy and paste this to see who believes you! Change it to your town and local petrol station.
 
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters I can Sumurais it for you.
8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
9. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'? It's not the end of the world.
10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
12.. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top