The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.
He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
'Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna'
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few Pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read, 'Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing.
I think it must have been those b*****ds at the Post Office.
Sincerely yours Edna'.
 
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra.
The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe half a dozen, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
 
The new rule regarding don't touch unless you intend to buy reminds me of the butcher who had a customer continually examining various joints of meat, at last he called out
"Come on missus,it's not like your old man's you-know-what, the more you fiddle with it, the bigger it gets!"
 
Don't worry about it if you can't see the camel, I couldn't until I was told where it is. Also the resolution of the picture isn't that great
 
kendo1 said:
It's a bactrian
Click to expand...
We have a dromedary ( one hump) and Bactrian (two humps)
So what do you call a camel with 3 humps?
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Yep you got it Humphrey of course (y)
 
Cobra said:
We have a dromedary ( one hump) and Bactrian (two humps)
So what do you call a camel with 3 humps?
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Yep you got it Humphrey of course (y)
Click to expand...

Get your coat. Now. Do not pass Go or collect £200. BTW, didn't Humphrey used to nick milk?


Farmerjim said:
Don't worry about it if you can't see the camel, I couldn't until I was told where it is. Also the resolution of the picture isn't that great
Click to expand...

[plusone] For the resolution being pretty crap! I thought I could see one of each type but I have a feeling that what I thought was a dromedary might be an orang utan.
 
hate camels ever since my b*****ks got squashed on one while I was trying to do my Lawrence of arabia ride around the Sinai desert . painful memories
 
The tiger's about to eat the dromedary's hump or the orang utan's head.

Robinson's super concentrated squash, Summer fruits variety!
 
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