The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I believe they're going to officially re-name the Tier 4 areas of south east England, which will now be known as London and the Stay At Home Counties.
 
A vampire walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "A cup of boiling water, please." The bartender, confused and scared, walks up with the water and says, "I thought vampires drank blood..." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "Yes, it's tea time."
 
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Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
 
ancient_mariner said:
Why is there a ball valve in there?
Click to expand...
I can’t think what that is (except it’s not as described), very strange. Don’t think it can be a ball valve, though that was my thought, because it doesn‘t look like it would hold water (in keeping with the description :)).
 
Not a joke but a result of scanning an online TV programme guide too quickly.

Now, on ITV, is Midsomer Murders while Channal 4 has Junior Bake Off.

In scanning I managed to create - Junior Midsomer Murders!

Dave
 
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