- Messages
- 23,521
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
Misses out Badgers Mount Pratts Bottom.
and please use their services
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
Misses out Badgers Mount Pratts Bottom.
Gremlin
Houdini
- Messages
- 17,740
- Name
- Ingrid
- Edit My Images
- No
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal;
- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced;
- We have a brave winner.
After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
- I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled...
Moral: ′′ Behind every successful man, there's a woman who pushes him "...
- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move, suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration at the scene, then the owner announced;
- We have a brave winner.
After collecting his reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
- I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled...
Moral: ′′ Behind every successful man, there's a woman who pushes him "...
Mr Badger
Didymus
- Messages
- 7,457
- Edit My Images
- No
I can assure you they do no such thing!
Last edited:
Nod
Tootles
- Messages
- 45,563
- Name
- Nod (UK)
- Edit My Images
- Yes
Not to mention the River Piddle (and its associated villages), Crapstone and Brown Willy (which is dangerously close to Cat's Hole...)
- Messages
- 1,941
- Name
- Jason
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 2,026
- Name
- Graeme
- Edit My Images
- No
Should have taken the shortcut through Scunthorpe
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
- Messages
- 5,922
- Name
- Heather
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 23,521
- Name
- Toni
- Edit My Images
- No
I missed out Penistone too.
- Messages
- 1,941
- Name
- Jason
- Edit My Images
- Yes
This part of Weardale has it all going on, aptly with a Sewage Works nearby
Mr Badger
Didymus
- Messages
- 7,457
- Edit My Images
- No
I knew Cobra would never cope with the strain of running TP, the poor fellow has frozen already!
Gremlin
Houdini
- Messages
- 17,740
- Name
- Ingrid
- Edit My Images
- No
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.'
Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ray the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ray.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ray, wake up! You s*** the bed!"
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.'
Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ray the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ray.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ray, wake up! You s*** the bed!"
- Messages
- 1,849
- Edit My Images
- Yes
- Messages
- 2,026
- Name
- Graeme
- Edit My Images
- No
Altogether now ...
'There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza ....'