The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

I'm thrilled that you're glad :)
 
I have a Ford...
 
Meme.png
 
I farted on the bus the other day and 4 people turned around. I thought I was on The Voice
 
Barney's favourite song...
 
Actually, that's a common misconception. Paleontologists have since proven that the Tyrannosaurus Rex 'was' in fact able to clap along to popular, gang show, sing along, favourites.
 
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Not so good at self abuse. (Or should that be "Not so bad at self abuse."?)
 
A WOMAN’S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,

One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, he won’t be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to ‘how big is my behind?’

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.




A MAN’S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn’t rhyme, and I don’t give a s***.
 
I was standing at the bar in the local last night, minding my own business.
This fat ugly bird came up behind me, grabbed my backside and said,
"You're kind of cute.
You got a phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you got a pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me a smack in the face but it was worth it!
 
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

That cost me a knee in the groin but that was worth it even more than the slap.
 
*Groan*
 
Is it a bench or a pew? ;)
 
Farmerjim said:
It's just me I know, but I don't understand ??????

Princess Leia shooting a blaster at benches ..... I'm thick :(
Click to expand...
They're not just regular benches. They're a specific type of benches found in a specific location... :whistle:

(Also think sound effect.)
 
Thinking sonically ^
 
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