The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
 
The Plan

In the beginning, there was a plan,
And then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
And the plan without substance,

And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
And they spoke among themselves saying,
"It is a crock of s*** and it stinks."

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
"It is a pile of dung, and we cannot live with the smell."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another,
"It contains that which aids plants growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto them,
"It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor
Of the company With very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan
And saw that it was good,
And the Plan became Policy.
 
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sirch said:
How come phonetic isn't spelt with an "f"?
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Just how many letters are redundant in the word queue?
And why doesn't cucumber begin with a Q?
 
Cobra said:
Just how many letters are redundant in the word queue?
And why doesn't cucumber begin with a Q?
Click to expand...
And what about the silent P, as in swimming?
 
Tringa said:
Reminds me of a sign at a lido - Welcome to our Swimming ool". You will notice there is no "P" in it, let's keep it that way

Dave
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I usec to work with a bloke who was devastated when his wife phoned to say their son had been banned from the municipal pool for peeing. I said that peeing in a pool usually went unnoticed. Apparantly he was on the 3 metre diving board at the time.
 
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