The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Important notice ... no its not a joke , there will be announcements made later but for now and as a heads up ..
TP is going for an upgrade and as such we will be off line from Approx 21:00 hours
tomorrow 18 / 12 / 19 for approx 16 hours,
Sorry Guys and Gals, go talk to the Other half
 
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simon ess said:
The beatings will continue until morale improves?
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Behind closed doors obviously.
Nothing to worry about (y)
Normal service will be resumed asap (y)
 
This crazy guy walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.” The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his ass, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”
 
camerassassin said:
sent to me earlier this evening

<<Two Indian junkies snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. They were rushed to hospital, one slipped into a korma, the other has a dodgy tikka.>>
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I had an Indian takeaway last night, I tried something different, a chicken tarka, it was just like a chicken tikka only a little otter. :)
 
“It snowed a couple of nights ago.


8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from the BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
 
I'm in trouble with my next door neighbors. I went over to their house recently to jump on there tramperleen. I had just got on when I heard a voice say, "Hey you, get off my daughter Erleen!"
 
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I was just looking at the weather forecast and on Tuesday the 31st of December we are going to have a sunny interval at 11 am, wow that's what I call a forecast.

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Just as bad up here mike
 
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