ancient_mariner
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and please use their services
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
Gremlin
Houdini
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here, have this' he gives the sandwich and beer to the statue.
Then he said to the statue:
'I stood like that for two days at the Smiths house and nobody offered me anything!!.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here, have this' he gives the sandwich and beer to the statue.
Then he said to the statue:
'I stood like that for two days at the Smiths house and nobody offered me anything!!.
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Local pigeons keeping out of the cold, hmm, not sure about the message on the window ..... Obviously they can't use a phone so they will have to use their own postal service.
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- Graeme
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I was working the northern clubs many years ago when my agent contacted me to say he’d got me a bit part in a new series called ‘Tenko’.
When I turned up for the first reading there were seven other actors who had also been booked, they were all very thin.
The director looked me up and down, frowned and said, “Whoever thought you’d be right for this roll, darling? You weigh at least fourteen stone !”
I said, “They only caught me yesterday !”
When I turned up for the first reading there were seven other actors who had also been booked, they were all very thin.
The director looked me up and down, frowned and said, “Whoever thought you’d be right for this roll, darling? You weigh at least fourteen stone !”
I said, “They only caught me yesterday !”
Last edited:
ancient_mariner
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If anyone is interested or knows of someone interested, a friend’s son won a trip to the World Cup in Qatar, but it coincides with his wedding, so if anyone wants and can go…
Everything is already paid for. You just go and step in for him.
Here are the details:
St Mary’s Church, Kuala Lumpur at 9.00AM on Saturday, 17 December
The bride will be waiting…
Everything is already paid for. You just go and step in for him.
Here are the details:
St Mary’s Church, Kuala Lumpur at 9.00AM on Saturday, 17 December
The bride will be waiting…
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- Graeme
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Years ago when I played golf if my opponent got more than a couple of holes up on me I would start calling him Vic.
“Why are you calling me Vic ?” he’d ask.
“Because you’re getting right up my nose !”
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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Apple have announced that though sales are down, their turnover is still very good....
