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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- Mike
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Its pretty logical, so even those who haven't been taught logic should be able to understand it with a little thought.
I admit I was taught but I don't remember the XNOR (despite it being needed to complete the set) and have probably only used three of them.
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- Martin
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Kings Bollekes even!
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
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Better than dogs?
ancient_mariner
Moderator
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Money is tight at the moment...
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A Golden Oldie
One day a man went to go see a big shot talent agent to see if he would consider representing him. The agent said “well, I’ve got to see want kind of talent you have.” Well, the man shows him.
The agent watched him mesmerized and saw how great he could dance, heard him singing beautifully, saw him act and listened to his comedy routines. The agent was amazed at all the talent this man had.
He wanted to sign him up right away so he asked him what his name was. “Well,” the man replies, “My parents gave me a rather odd name…my name is Penis Van Lesbian.”
The agent says, “Oh no, that name wouldn’t work. We have to change your name.” The agent thinks for a while, trying to figure out a good name for him.
All of a sudden the agent says, “I’ve got the perfect name for you! From now on your new name will be ‘Dick Van Dyke’.”
One day a man went to go see a big shot talent agent to see if he would consider representing him. The agent said “well, I’ve got to see want kind of talent you have.” Well, the man shows him.
The agent watched him mesmerized and saw how great he could dance, heard him singing beautifully, saw him act and listened to his comedy routines. The agent was amazed at all the talent this man had.
He wanted to sign him up right away so he asked him what his name was. “Well,” the man replies, “My parents gave me a rather odd name…my name is Penis Van Lesbian.”
The agent says, “Oh no, that name wouldn’t work. We have to change your name.” The agent thinks for a while, trying to figure out a good name for him.
All of a sudden the agent says, “I’ve got the perfect name for you! From now on your new name will be ‘Dick Van Dyke’.”
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- ken
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Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whisky around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a horde of drunken squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whisky around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a horde of drunken squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
Last edited:
badlywornroy
I am not macho
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I'm bald, but I still own a comb.
I just can't part with it..
I just can't part with it..
Steep
Nutcrack Rapids
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Cockney
I asked Admin for a user title
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Hmmm, they plug into AC./pedantic mode on... DC adaptors /pedantic mode off
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My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
“You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought,
“I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
“Thanks,” and returned to the stove, Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
“What was that all about?”
She explained,
“The egg timer’s broken.”
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
“You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought,
“I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
“Thanks,” and returned to the stove, Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
“What was that all about?”
She explained,
“The egg timer’s broken.”
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Good grief, that was my Father-in-Law!
Cockney
I asked Admin for a user title
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Yesterday afternoon I stopped by the liquor store on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So I drink all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home
I bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So I drink all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home
