The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

soeren said:
Today i saw a young guy with a cart full of toilet paper in the grocery store. I got so angry about his selfishness i confronted him and just let him have it calling him every name in the book.
When i finished he calmly asked " can i help you with anything or can i go back to stocking Up the shelfes"
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Where have you been man?
Haven't you seen that one before?
Its been posted about 6 times... :)
Although some would have been on the various coronavirus related threads....
 
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*shelves*
...apart from all the other mistakes. :coat:
 
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Soeren is (IIRC) Danish - how's your Danish spelling and idiom?
 
North Easterly wind due here later then!
 
*BREAKING NEWS*

THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE LIFTING RESTRICTIONS IN PARKS AND BEACHES DURING THE EASTER BREAK.

The Government has announced today that, for the Easter break, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and Beaches and invite friends round for BBQ’s.

IMPORTANT- PLEASE READ
Whilst the majority of the population will remain in lockdown the following groups will be allowed to gather together at parks and beaches:
Imbeciles
Half wits
Morons
Troglodytes
Ignoramus’
Simpletons
Illiterates
Idiots
d******ds
Numpties
Ex Scottish Health ministers
Anyone not in those groups must follow the guidelines set out by the Governments regarding social distancing
 
simon ess said:
I'm a f***witted buffoon. Can I go to the beach?

Why can't the instructions be clearer?

I wasn't mentioned by name so clearly I can go to the beach.
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Tigger.ufo said:
Anyone not in those groups must follow the guidelines set out by the Governments regarding social distancing
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Which part of this is not clear enough? F***witted buffoon is not listed , so, no, you can't go to the beach! ;)
 
soeren said:
Thank you very much. Yes I am
I will however like to know my mistakes so corrections are appreciated
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I believe that should be would, not will, but as I am a native English speaker I could be wrong. :)
 
From Aurora Hunters FB page:


NOTICE OF MY INTENTION TO LEAVE THE GROUP.

It may or may not be disappointing to some people to know that I have decided to leave this page, I am sick and tired of the constant criticisms and purile remarks about things that have nothing to do with anyone else but me.

Okay... So I like dressing-up in rubber clothes. So what? And, my culinary tastes might seem strange to some people... but I have particular penchant for cucumbers. Which brings me to the matter of my sexual preferences, which I know might seem strange to some people, but group sex with dwarfs, midgets, and pygmies is only a ‘small’ perversion compared to the other matter... And the magistrate was particularly understanding when I explained that running naked through our local park wearing crotchless fluffy underwear on my head and brandishing a dildo in each hand is an ancient pagan custom and...
Oh s***! Wrong Page!
Please ignore all of the above.
 
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