The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

^ Shouldnt that be I dont speak American?
 
Why ruin the flavour of the mustard
I agree, but it seems that's what the English tend to do. Whole grain or French mustard are far superior to English mustard IMO.
I's not consider putting mustard on black pudding, it's got plenty of flavour already, that's almost as bad as drowning food in TK.
 
At least we could get out of the house if it does. Mind you, knowing my luck... when was the Black Death? :runaway:
Around 1350, but there are quite a few others to watch out for too.
In case it's of interest there's a good infographic covering major plaques at https://www.visualcapitalist.com/history-of-pandemics-deadliest/ which they do seem to be updating fairly regularly.
My own time machine is playing up at the moment, it seems to be giving 26 hours a day - something I always thought I'd appreciate but the lock down makes it hard to use them. I suspect if I have to stop work it will slow down further still.
 
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Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 47 and 52.
We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went on my bike.
OFFICER : What kind of bike was it?
Husband : A 2008 suzuki gsxr 750 orange and black, Ohlins rear performance shock
Arrow slip on exhaust
Custom powder coated rims
Pazzo short levers
Yoshimura engine case savers
Braided brake lines
Under-tail kit
Michelin dual compound tires
HID headlight
Tinted windscreen...
At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your bike.
 
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