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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
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- Heather
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<< I bought a dog off a blacksmith today and as soon as I got home, it made a bolt for the door.>>
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- martin
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Unfortunately it’s true, the litter is piling up again, started when McDonalds opened again round here.
Mr Badger
Didymus
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A Yorkshireman thinks the world of his dog but sadly it dies, so he decides to have a statue of the dog made to remember him by. He tells the sculptor that he's a very rich man so wants the statue gold plating. The sculptor asks "Do you want him 18 carat"? To which the Yorkshireman replies "No, chewin' a bone, ya daft beggar"!
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- The other Chris
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I was on a H&S asbestos course once and the guy running it said he had gone into the cabin where the asbestos removal guys changed to check the gear and he found a small tear in one of the masks so he told the guy whose mask it was to get a new one, the guy said "nah it's OK, that's where my pipe goes"
Last edited:
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- Ron
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“What would you like?” says the barman.
“What would I like?” says Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife.”
“No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?”
“To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!”
“What’s it to be?” says the barman, less patiently.
"A boy or a girl, I don’t care".
"You misunderstand me" says the barman impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink?"
"Oh" says Bob, I see. "Why didn’t you say so? What have you got?"
"Nothing at all" says the barman. "I’m perfectly healthy".
“What would I like?” says Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife.”
“No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?”
“To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!”
“What’s it to be?” says the barman, less patiently.
"A boy or a girl, I don’t care".
"You misunderstand me" says the barman impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink?"
"Oh" says Bob, I see. "Why didn’t you say so? What have you got?"
"Nothing at all" says the barman. "I’m perfectly healthy".
Tigger.ufo
Lady Penelope
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- Heather
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Mr Badger
Didymus
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Even with those restrictions, I believe there are some people who could still cause an argument in there!
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- Jeff
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