The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

16299285_1250987385009415_4485971213311121576_n.jpg
 
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £420 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £290 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
 
^ and relevant :)

National Bubble Wrap Popping Day, today.
 
Valentine's day IIRC. (Or should it be St Valentines' day???)
 
Lets too much air in...
 
The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,"Since you've been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention." God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous. "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours.
 
I've just got a new job making rubber keyboards for computers. I really like it because they offer flexible shifts.
 
Yes. After many attempts it finally connected through. Maybe it was 'down'.
 
Last edited:
How can a man tell if they have a female hand?

When he goes for a pee it won't let go
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top