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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
- Start date
DorsetDude
Spud
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- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
I failed my audition as a sound engineer but Im not one to, one to complain.
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- 1,298
- Name
- Ron
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- No
My wife is in hospital at the moment. She was stung on the forehead by a wasp yesterday and her face all swollen and bruised.
The doctors said she could easily have died.
Lucky I was close enough to hit the wasp with my shovel before it had chance to sting her again!
The doctors said she could easily have died.
Lucky I was close enough to hit the wasp with my shovel before it had chance to sting her again!
Gremlin
Houdini
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- 17,741
- Name
- Ingrid
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OP
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- 115,214
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- The real Chris
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TopicalMy missus hits me with musical instruments
I didn't know that she had a history of violins.
http://metro.co.uk/2017/07/26/woman...iolin-collection-after-they-broke-up-6807034/
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- 21,341
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Hell hath no fury...
"However, he ended up losing his job after his former wife told police in October 2014 he had helicopter footage of the swingers having sex outside their house, Sheffield Crown Court was told."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...helicopter-film-woman-having-outdoor-sex.html
I asked my ex-wife several times if she would be willing to experiment with swinging.
She finally said yes, but quickly changed her mind once I got the noose around her neck.
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- 7,571
- Name
- Ken
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OP
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- 115,214
- Name
- The real Chris
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Some people are such spoilsports
DorsetDude
Spud
- Messages
- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
DorsetDude
Spud
- Messages
- 7,018
- Name
- Keith
- Edit My Images
- Yes
What's the first rule of mime club?
- Messages
- 208
- Name
- Charlie
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- No
Not sure if someone's already said these:
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet?
Because the 'P' is silent.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
- Have you heard of Murphy's law?
- Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong;
- What about Coles-law?
- No;
- It's a thin slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream.
The Secret Service just had to change it's protocol when the President is in danger. Instead of yelling 'Get Down' they have to yell 'Donald, Duck'.
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet?
Because the 'P' is silent.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
- Have you heard of Murphy's law?
- Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong;
- What about Coles-law?
- No;
- It's a thin slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream.
The Secret Service just had to change it's protocol when the President is in danger. Instead of yelling 'Get Down' they have to yell 'Donald, Duck'.
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg
