The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Little Johnny traveled North to visit his friend during winter time. His friend's mother saw Johnny shivering, so she said, "Come here and put your hands between my thighs to warm them up." Johnny said, "My ears are cold too."
 
Cockney said:
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Doesn't everyone?

Cobra said:
Edinburgh fringe wining joke really is cringe worthy, I'd hate to suffer alone (y)

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
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Its seems that according to a (serious) news item today, the Tourette's society
Are very disappointed that "That" joke was allowed to win...

You couldn't make it up could you?
 
An elderly woman went to her local doctor's office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, I'd like to have some birth control pills. Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you're 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?" The woman replied, "They help me sleep better." The doctor considered this for a second, and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice, and I sleep better at night."
 
Little Red Riding Hood is on her way to granny’s, when she spots the wolf crouched behind a tree. “My, Mr. Wolf, what big paws you have,” she begins, but the wolf runs off. Further down the path she sees the wolf crouched behind a rock and she stares in, “My, Mr. Wolf, what big teeth you have.” The wolf stands up and runs away. Finally at granny’s, Red sees the wolf peeking around from the backyard and she pipes up, “My Mr. Wolf,” to which the wolf yells, “Would you f**k off, I’m trying to take a s**t!”
 
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