The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Went to the doctor's for a prostate exam

During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.

But I still wish he hadn't.
 
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
 
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
But the "old one" is far more up to date than this one ;)
Now, had you said BoJo / Corbin et al you might have gotten away with it ;)
 
A Jehovah's witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right what do you want to talk about?"

He said "F##k knows, never got this far before.."
 
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