But no I can use the "proper" onesYou've made your own with those cucumbers Tesco keep selling you?
But the "old one" is far more up to date than this oneSo a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies, "Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!"
But the "old one" is far more up to date than this one
Now, had you said BoJo / Corbin et al you might have gotten away with it
As shown in a very funny episode of Black BooksA Jehovah's witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right what do you want to talk about?"
He said "F##k knows, never got this far before.."