The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A young lady walked into a supermarket and on her way round she saw the man who had his wicked way with her the previous evening after they had met in a pub.

He was stacking washing powder boxes onto shelves.

"You lying tw*t," she yelled,
“Last night you told me that you were a stunt pilot."

"No." he said, "I told you that I was a member of the Ariel display team.”
 
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
 
And the other old one where the mother superior was in the bath when there was a tap on the door.

"Who's there?"
"Blind man."
"OK, you can come in then."
"Right. Where do you want these blinds?"
 
Nod said:
And the other old one where the mother superior was in the bath when there was a tap on the door.

"Who's there?"
"Blind man."
"OK, you can come in then."
"Right. Where do you want these blinds?"
Click to expand...
Doesn't he say "Nice tits" "Where do you want these blinds?" :)
 
Last edited:
Probably - been a LONG time since I heard it!
 
Sorry Nod ;)
 
No problem. :p
 
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said....

" Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible. "

" What do you mean? " said the pirate, "I feel fine."

" What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before. "

" Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannonball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

" What about that eye patch? "

" Oh, " said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them s*** in my eye."

" You're kidding," said the bartender."Can you lose an eye just from bird s***?"





" It was my first day with the hook. "
 
Tech Support : What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer : Netscape.

Tech Support : That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer : Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
 
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